Unborn

She felt it grow in her womb
A life separate- yet so intricately a part of her
She could hear it breathe
And found relief in each heartbeat.
Her daily chores were performed by mechanical hands
Time was at a standstill
Nothing mattered except the life within her
A tentative smile lit up her face
As she fantasized about lovely times ahead
Yet, a shadow loomed large on the horizon
She clutched her baby
Smelling danger with innate motherly instinct
A figure materialized
"Abort", it barked
"No", she shrieked
Was it in vain?
Helpless, she was dragged to the hospital
The leering quack invaded the privacy of her womb
A howl erupted
Was it from within her?
The foetus squirmed and wriggled
The doctor's gloved hands probed further
The smell of disinfectant choked her
A black abyss appeared
She plunged in, not knowing whither to go
And fell....and fell.....And fell....
The path of despair was endless
The doctor's operation was not
She opened her eyes to a stark white room
Then why did life appear so black
Reality hit her when she felt
The absent bump in the smooth plane of her stomach
She clenched her lip—determined not to cry
The tears did not spill—her  eyes were dry
Unmarried she was, unfeeling she became
The pain so numbed her, she couldn't be the same.
Devoid of emotions, a robot was she
The murderer of her baby, who was he?
A knife was snatched with open hands
She snapped all unbroken bands
The next day, a story appeared
About the murder of a man, everybody heard
They said his jilted lover killed him
They were wrong
His unborn child had tolled the death knell for him.

The Family

The precipice was steep

She looked down

The vultures had descended

Tearing their flesh apart

Time had passed swiftly

For the stench was now assailing her

Borne as it was

On the wings of the breeze

Memories were evoked

They flashed past one by one

Like slides in a movie

Mocking at the characters

The mother- petite and vibrant

Dressed in flowing gowns

An ideal wife and mother

Or was it the wife alone?

The father- tall and handsome

Grown rich through hard work

Marrying an heiress

Was not an easy task

A brother also figured in the picture

Younger than she was

Strumming his guitar all day long

He idolized his sister

Hailed as the 'perfect' family

Perfection embodied in them

Her mouth twisted in a sneer

As she remembered the perfect imperfection

Emotions flickered across her face

The whole gamut of them

Pain, agony, shame, fear

Anger, madness, satisfaction

She'd dreaded those nights

When he would return home

While she waited to hear his tread

Ascending her stairs

She'd tried locking the door

After that first time

But the repercussions had been too severe

Her back still bore the welts

She'd then told her mother

Received a slap for that confidence

Labelled a whore and a slut

By the woman who had borne her

She knew it was a refusal

To accept what she must've known

He'd done it with others

Now it was her daughter's turn

She bore it silently

The tears hardened to pearls

More precious than real ones

In their desire for vengeance

She remembered the day so well

As if it were yesterday

Her brother had entered her room

And witnessed the silent rape

He'd not even had time

To register his protest

The outstretched hand was stopped midway

Muffled forever

Her volcano of anger erupted

Lava had spewed forth

The pain would come later

When she had had time to reflect

She had planned it meticulously

None of the easy ways out

She'd butchered him to pieces

One for each night

He'd begged her mutely through his eyes

Once she'd cut off his tongue

The lascivious tool of torment

She'd chopped off bit by bit

The bitch had also got

The dessert she deserved

No pity did she warrant

But a clean slice was enough

She'd waited in the dark

Knowing they would come

Today at the gallows she saw them

Waiting in the Underworld

Silence

Silent screams echoed

Rocked the house upside down

As the knife plunged silently

And twisted in the loud heart

Daggers of accusation

Emanated silently from her

She could hear the silent rip

The flesh cracked open

The colors of the painting

The patterns of the tapestry

Swirled in silence before her

Her eyes wept silently

The house was void of life now

Silent as a tomb

Padded feet trod silently

Even as the air stood still

Bones coated with flesh and blood

Celebrated silently

No hearts to disturb the silence with beats

He left with her wedding ring silently

Morning Rush

7:00 a.m.

The alarm rings. The bed creaks as weight is dragged across it. The alarm stops.

7:03 a.m.

The bed’s occupants peck each other on the lips before rolling over and getting off either side of the bed.

7:08 a.m.

A toothbrush in his mouth, he hunts for his clothes; a toothbrush in her mouth, she puts tea to boil.

7:15 a.m.

A quick perusal of the morning paper together while gulping down scalding hot tea; internal circuits revolt

7:30 a.m.

The usual scurry: tapping eggs over a skillet; adjusting the temperature of the shower; a quick rub; one leg and then the next into trousers before buttoning up shirts

8:00 a.m.

A veneer of civilization descends

Shaved and combed, both partners step out of the door and into their humdrum existence

Lamp

The lamp is there burning bright
It beckons me with its flickering light
So strong does the flame appear
Then why does it dim when I near
No illumination in this dark life
Where in this darkness—oh, where can I hide?
The darkness envelopes me like a cloud
What a fit material it is for my shroud
I scream, I shout- my lungs are burstin'
No sound emerges- my heart is hurtin'
A few smiles light up when I near
Then why does a smile, in my heart instill fear?
Is it because the smiles are so false
Enclosing me in their mesh like walls
I search desperately for one true face
But find none—as usually is the case
The wick is burning—my time is drawing near
Fate laughs at me—her face twisted in a sneer
A gaping abyss stretches before me, inviting
Its darkness, a beacon of lightning
I wish I could fly to the other side
Where sorrows and pain are washed away by the tide
Perhaps then I might be able to dip my feet in the river of joy
Even God owes me to haul me ahoy
The flame is dying, ready to merge in the melted wax
My hope dies too, leaving my body lax...
Forever...

Loss

The doors were closing
Darkness was engulfing her
The ground was treacherous
She tottered at the brink

Her silent screams shattered the empty house
The tread of his footsteps she heard
Running, she opened the door
His absence greeted her

The spiders were busy
Weaving cobwebs in her mind
Too long had she neglected to dust them off
The web of fantasy was too strong

A dual existence she lived
Lost in the maze of the past
Aware of only her destination
She followed him on his journey

The nights were the worst
She woke up drenched in sweat
His caresses were too passionate
For her to patiently bear

A constant tide of people
Washed over her
Like the rock she was
She did not respond

It caused a lot of consternation
Amid friends and foes alike
The whispers became statements
Isolation was imperative

They packed her off to the asylum
She needed the solitude, they reasoned
She went along docilely
He was always with her

They roamed about together
Through the corridors she created
Harmless to everybody
She died of electric shocks

Fear

It crept up stealthily
Like the black alley cat
Foraging for food
In the street bins

It pounced
The prey winced
Sinking its claws further
It purred in anticipation

It lapped up the blood
Satiated its hunger
The victim looked around wildly
Searching for an escape

The door to escape and freedom
Was conspicuous by its absence
The eyeballs grew weary
With all the rotating they did

Vitality was fast slipping away
Yet the heart continued to beat
Its resilience bothered both
The predator and the prey

Darkness was all around
An ally of the murderer
Allowing it to complete its work
Anonymously

No light illuminated the darkness
No star twinkled bright
The clouds provided cover
It made a decision

No more of this slow murder
It bared its fangs completely
One swipe was all that was needed
To finish the victim off

Its work over, it left
Melting into the darkness whence it came
Day broke and hope arrived
It was already too late

Escape

Fire erupted all around her
Bringing peace with it
Its approaching flames licked her
She was aroused

Her husband's touch had never felt like this
As she had lain pliant and yielding
The nights brought no fear now
That had been so long ago

Hexed by the shrew in the day
Fingered by the leering old man
Raped by the monster they'd begotten
The nights had passed away

Deprived of her one friend—childhood
Thrust defenseless into that hell
Her lack of dowry had set
The mark of death at her door

God had appeared a month before
Released her from her sorrow
Valium had endowed her with valour
Ecstasy had left her just- ecstatic?

Popping pills into her mouth
Life continued to spiral out of control
Until one day, that hope crashed
The husband took it away

No more joyful moments of forgetfulness
No more release from reality
Its clutches were strangling her
When she saw her escape

Why hadn't it struck her before
This was the union she'd always craved
The flames were caressing her now
Death came disguised as orgasm—the only one

Destiny

New vistas, new horizons beckoned her

Thrilled at these prospects, she followed them

Dazzled by the city lights

Blind she became

A new way of life

Memories relegated temporarily

Old threads broken

She lost herself

On a high she was

More elevated she became

Inflated with her own ego

She moved ahead

Drunk she was

Drunker she became

Inebriation was blown up

By the agony of shame

A new resolve was taken

In the daylight of comprehension

But day is always followed by night

So was it now

Each dawn brought it

Each dusk weakened it

A tidal wave was emerging

It would have to break asunder

The wait is endless

It has fatigued her

Is this her destiny?

The question torments her

Accepting it as her fate

She has decided to live on

Yet conflicts keep arising within her

She suppresses them ineffectually

Her heart is like Medusa

Sprouting a thousand emotions at once

She slays one with the sword of reason

Doubt creeps in as the heart’s salve

A vicious cycle it is

She’s caught in it

Each day turning

The wheel of misfortune

O Death, Can't You Wait

A pebble still to pick up

A walk still to tread

A word still to utter

O Death, can’t you wait?

A word of care here

An expression of love there

All gestures undemonstrated

O Death, can’t you wait?

So many tasks undone

I need to see them through

An incomplete life left

O Death, can’t you wait?

The shingles are to be mended

The walls need to be plastered

The roof cries out for repairs

O Death, can’t you wait?

The sea beckons with its calm waters

The sand wants to abrade my toes

The grass seeks to soothe my callouses

O Death, can’t you wait?

A cup of hot tea

A conversation with a friend

It’s all still left

O Death, can’t you wait?

I feel your presence now

It’s not as clammy as I thought

You’re really quite enchanting

But

O Death, can’t you wait?

Colors

Black: the color of life to come. Bleakness.

White: the color of numbing, agonizing, torturous pain. And noise. Noise to drown out the pain.

Grey: the color of her skin when I saw her at the morgue.

Red: the color of the boiling rage at having my daughter raped and then killed mercilessly.

Yellow: the color of daffodils and daisies and sunshine and her hair conditioner.

Orange: the color of paperwork. Files and folders to be buried and lost. And stained staircases of police stations and court houses.

Brown: the color of my ineffectualness against the ‘system.’ All washed up and dried inside. My pathetic efforts to get justice for my daughter. Dried blood. On my hands.

Green: the color of the last dress she wore. Stained with red—lots of it. Bought by me on her sixteenth birthday last month.

Blue: the color of the sky on the day she was raped. The sky on the day she was killed. The sky on the day the perpetrator of that heinous crime went home. Scot free. The color of the bloody sky always and forever.

Pink: the color of ‘his’ shirt the day I followed him in his brand new Beetle.

Purple: the color of the shadows in the police station when I was arrested on a murder charge.